Someone has a natural talent for it, some others unfortunately couldn’t even enchant their mums when they were made just of fat, big eyes and no teeth. Flirting is an art, but as by any other kind of art, you can learn its techniques and improve your skills.
The truth about flirting can be more complicated than some eye-blinking and hair-touching. Therefore, we decided to ask to experts what are the most common mistakes when flirting and which attitudes are detected as flirtatious.
Theory of Flirting – To keep in mind:
- Non-verbal clues
As you probably know, flirting is much more about non-verbal communication than the ordinary verbal one. So, experts recommend to pay attention to your non-verbal attitude in order to convey the right message. The four main non-verbal signs are: eye contact, smiling, distance, tone of voice.
Make eye contact to start flirting, let the other person know that you are interested, but do not stare at her/him! Don’t be creepy!
Relax your body & face and smile, while getting slightly closer to your interlocutor. Don’t get too close, you do not know how used to physical closeness and contact she/he may be, so adjust the distance to the signals you receive (raise your antennas!).
Finally, articulate well the words and lower the pitch of your voice.
- Six flirting motivations
According to a study, flirting may be the result of one of these six different needs: Sex, fun, exploring, relational, esteem, and instrumental. So, don’t assume that everyone is flirting with your same intentions. If you keep this in mind, you will prevent delusions and misunderstandings.
- 3 cultural beliefs on flirting
Be aware of the fact that the way you flirt may convey different messages, despite of your conscious motivation
- flirting as common fun
- flirting reflecting uncontrollable urges
- flirting as invitation
When flirting, ask and tell yourself honestly what you are doing and why. You will avoid awkward moments.
- Mistake #1. A girl starts the conversation? She MUST be interested!
According to some studies, men pay great attention to the initiator of the conversation. Furthermore, they tend to assume that it is an indisputable sign of flirtiness and seduction despite of the level of intimacy, body distance and other non-verbal clues. On the other hand, women do not consider it a sign of flirtatious behaviour from a man.
This leads to misperception of the intentions of the speakers. Appropriate interpretation of flirting can set the basis for the burgeon of a relationship.
- Common Mistake #2. Flirting is the antechamber of sex
Statistics say that men tend to consider flirting the antechamber of sex: Wrong! As mentioned before, flirting motivations are various and varied. Due to this misunderstanding, men tend to react with disappointment when the flirting behaviour does not end up in bed. Again, this may be a broad brush, yet it is the result of some studies.
For men: don’t drink too much and don’t offer too many drinks expecting the woman to ‘ slowly open herself to you’ if she’s drunk. That’s close to raping, you know?
- Mistake #3. Men want sex, girls want fun
Well, previously we said that men tend to misunderstand women’s intentions as they seem to be more sex-oriented. Nonetheless, it became an untruthful common sense to say that ‘girls just wanna have fun‘ while men are sex-hunters. Let’s do not stick too much to rigid stereotypes!
Now, time for some truths..
- True Common Knowledge #1. The amount of smiling is directly proportional to seductiveness
As mentioned before, smiling is one of the non-verbal clues for flirting, and the more you smile (no clown style, please), the more flirtatious your behaviour will resonate.
- True Common Knowledge #2. Relaxedness is directly proportional to seductiveness
Relax your body and feel at ease: this is a sign of self confidence and a signal of ‘openness’ sent to the interlocutor.
- True Common Knowledge #3. Distance is inversely proportional to seductiveness
We are not suggesting to breathe on the neck of your interlocutor, but neither to keep several metres of politeness between you and your (hopefully) flirtatious interlocutor. One or two steps should be enough.
Furthermore, if the two speakers stay at the same body angle, they are perceived as more seductive.
- True Common Knowledge #4. Clothing/Hair adjustments as signs of seduction
Well, you probably know this one. Lower your eyes and adjust a lock of hair behind your ear: shy, flirty, sweet. It also ‘moves’ your perfume and enhances the fragrance intensity.
- True Common Knowledge #5. Legs crossing is perceived as seductive
Cross your legs but not your arms: the former is a sign of seduction, while the latter symbolizes closeness and introversion.
- True Common Knowledge #6. Women are more seductive in the ovulatory phase
Finally, studies say that women tend to flirt more and to be more attractive when they are at high fertility . Hormons and estrogens, our friends!
Now you’re ready…Go out, flirt and seduce with responsibility 🙂